Choosing Relationship Inside Broken Systems

January 14, 2026

Continued...

How do we resolve this issue? How to we undo everything?

This is the honest answer first, because it matters:

We don’t undo everything all at once.

And we don’t fix it by trying to be perfect.

We better it locally, relationally, and daily.

What is happening in the equine community today is not coming from one bad person. It comes from systems built on disconnection. And repair doesn’t come from burning it all down. It comes from humans choosing differently inside the systems they’re already in.

Here’s what actually works.

1. Stop trying to dominate the whole problem. The urge to “fix everything” is still a control reflex. It’s human ego dressed up as goodness.

Real change starts smaller:

One horse. 

One interaction. 

One choice to listen instead of override.

Systems change when enough individuals stop feeding them automatically.

2. Restore agency where you actually have power

You may not control the entire animal industry, but you absolutely control:

– how you touch a horse

– how you train

– how you use equipment

– how you interpret behavior

– when you stop

Every time you give a horse space to respond instead of comply, you’re repairing something.

Agency doesn’t dismantle systems overnight, but it weakens their grip.

3. Learn to tolerate discomfort without forcing resolution. This is huge.

Undoing harm requires sitting with:

– guilt without self-flagellation

– grief without defensiveness

– uncertainty without rushing to answers

Most harm continues because humans can’t tolerate the feeling of “this might not be okay.” So they push. They justify. They escalate.

Regulated humans cause less harm. Period.

4. Change what you reward. Pay attention to what gets praised.

In horses:

– Do we reward quiet compliance or honest communication?

– Do we celebrate soundness over spectacle?

– Do we value longevity over short-term performance?

What we clap for becomes the culture.

5. Replace domination with skill. Control is not competence. It’s often the absence of it.

Better horsemanship, like better humanity, looks like:

– sharper observation

– better timing

– more patience

– more self-regulation

6. Tell the truth gently, but don’t look away. You don’t have to shame people. Shame shuts nervous systems down. But you also don’t have to pretend harmful things are neutral.

You can say:

“This works, but it costs the horse something.”

“This behavior makes sense given the pressure.”

“There might be another way.”

Truth, offered without superiority, travels farther than outrage.

7. Accept that repair is ongoing, not a finish line. There is no clean slate moment. No “now we’re healed” checkbox.

Living with horses means:

– constant adjustment

– repairing rupture when it happens

– staying curious instead of righteous

That’s not weakness. That’s maturity.

So how do we better this?

By becoming humans who:

– don’t need to be above

– don’t need to rush

– don’t need to win

– don’t need horses to carry our unregulated nervous systems

You don’t undo centuries of disconnection by force.

You undo it by choosing relationship

again

and again

and again

Horses already know how to meet us there.

They’re just waiting for us to catch up.